How Do You Get Revenge on the People That Let You Down?

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It’s so annoying not to sleep well!

Justin was awake at 3:00 a.m. and he cursed the useless homeopathic sleep remedies he had been prescribed. He teeth clenched as his mind raced with thoughts of the day ahead. He imagined the pain, the stress, the discomfort and having to suffer at work. No one was going to cut him slack at his job. He had to try something different to cure his back pain, or else he would be a nervous wreck.

Hope got crushed and Justin got mad!

He called and complained to his homeopathic doctor before he made an appointment with an acupuncturist. Justin’s hopes were dashed again when a series of treatments didn’t do the trick for more than a few hours. He was spending good money for these treatments, following them as directed and it failed him. He became overwhelmed with fury.

Justin told his acupuncturist that the treatments were useless and began an exercise regimen with a fitness trainer to stretch his back. He also went to yoga classes.

Justin’s back ache disappears when he blames everyone else

Justin’s hot buttons were being pushed by people promising him relief and care but not delivering. Each disappointment made his anger stronger. He wanted them to feel guilty for not keeping their promises and letting him down. That made Justin feel big and powerful. When they felt bad and guilty Justin felt strong and in charge. His back ache disappeared!

What’s getting angry got to do with a back ache?

When Justin was a kid he was always being let down. He lived through many broken promises and he was disappointed more often than not by those people who were supposed to take care of him. The only time he got a little comfort was when he was sick. He was helpless and couldn’t do anything about it then, but now he can.

Justin learned to ask for care by being sick. As an adult he did it with backache. When the doctors and trainers don’t provide what he wants he can legitimately lay the guilt trip on them and feel strong. Now he makes up for all those times when he didn’t get the care he was entitled to. Once he yells and punishes, there is no more need for the backache until the next time.

What’s Justin going to do when he has guilted everyone away?

Justin doesn’t feel powerful for very long. Soon he needs to be wanted and cared for again, so the backache comes back and he finds another remedy, and begins the whole cycle again. When there is no one left to help him he is alone and miserable. Without knowing it he became his own worst enemy. He can take a step towards feeling strong without having to use guilt as a weapon. Learning to forgive the past and mourn his disappointments will be a good beginning.

Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.


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