Everyone loved Craig. He was warm, inviting and a fantastic listener. If you had a problem, conflict or dilemma to sort out, the first person you would think of talking to would be Craig. He always had time for you and was willing to offer suggestions. Julie thought of him as her best and most trusted friend.
A Good Listener Is On My Side
It was a huge relief to Julie to get things off her chest. She told Craig about her flaky girlfriend and mean boss. When Julie got mad at her boyfriend for not appreciating the surprise birthday party she organized for him, Craig took her side. Julie would say " What kind of a boyfriend doesn't even say thank you after all the months of planning for his surprise party? Can you believe he actually told me that he didn't want it and would rather have gone to a movie with me?"
The Advice Comes- But it's Wrong!
Craig told Julie to dump her ungrateful boyfriend, quit her job, and get new friends. That was when Julie's buttons got pushed big time. She loved her boyfriend. She liked her job. She had gone through school with her girlfriend. She didn't want to change things. Why couldn't she just have a moan? She just wanted to be heard and acknowledged.
Not Such A Good Friend After All
Who did Craig think he was telling her how to live her life? What right did he have to trash her boyfriend? Her friend was considerate and a real good laugh.
That's when Craig's buttons got triggered. He was mad that Julie threw his advice in his face. Why did she ask for it if she didn't want it? As soon as he opened his mouth she changed her tune and began defending the very people she had been dissing a moment ago? Crazy!
Crazy Doublespeak
Doesn't this doublespeak sound familiar? The Julie's among us like to unload stuff and complain. The Craig's among us love to rescue and feel needed. When that game is in play a lot of buttons get pushed and trigger all sorts of unexpected reactions.
What's In It For You?
Untangling yourself from this web isn't easy. If you identify with Julie, you can take the heat out of the situation by asking yourself "what's in it for me to ask for advice and then trash it?" Or if you are like Craig ask, "what's in it for me to give advice when I know it won't be taken?"
Then figure out where your anger is coming from. Here are some article links on anger you might find helpful.
Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
Did You Know That Anger Makes You Fat? By Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
Four Ways to Stop Your Anger From Making You Impotent! By Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
Good Anger- Bad Anger. Telling The Difference. by Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
Good Anger- Bad Anger. Expressing Healthy Anger. By Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
Good Anger-Bad Anger. Self Sabotage. By Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
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