My partner Humiliated Me In Public!

Chosing the Moment Of Revenge




Joyce watched the pleasure on Brad's face as he laughed and drank toasts with his friends. She joined them at the table and waited for Brad to introduce her to the crowd. He smiled as she sat down and called the waiter over to order Joyce a drink. Joyce sipped her wine making small talk with Brad's pals. They were loud and she didn't get their jokes. Sidelined, Joyce chose her moment of revenge with piercing accuracy. Just as Brad bought another bottle of expensive champagne, Joyce called out, " are you sure you can you afford that? You don't have any work next week!"

Irresponsibility Button Gets Pushed
Brad had been savagely attacked. His irresponsibility button had been pushed big time. His partner knew that sore spot very well and took precise aim, scoring a bulls eye. She had exposed him, and he retaliated with outrage to cover his shame and humiliation. " Have I ever let you starve? I'm a big boy and I know how to manage my finances. It's none of your business what I do with my money or how I get it. It's not your precious money so don't tell me what to do. You're a kill joy! You wouldn't know how to enjoy yourself if you tried."

Brad's outburst when his button got pushed silenced the party. The group saw him bad mouth his wife. The fact that she provoked him was by now forgotten. All they saw and heard was fury and an erruption of uncontrollable anger. They lost respect for him, and left.

A better Way For Brad To Act

1. Taking Ownership
When an assault is launched against this vulnerability he can own it, and therefore speak from a place of power and control. Taking full ownership takes the sting out of the barb and it is then rendered harmless.

2. Imagine Being In the Shoes Of the Attacker
Brad should have noticed and been sensitive to Joyce feeling excluded. He could have taken preventive action by making sure she was able to participate in the conversation. That way she wouldn't have needed to get his attention or express her hurt by humiliating him.






Copyright Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.